What I Want My Son To Learn
It’s been a wild past year since becoming a new dad. It’s something I never thought would happen to me, but I feel extremely blessed to experience such an unexpected part of life (for me). I’ve watched my little boy change so much over 14 months, flourishing from a hand-sized bean of a human to the babbling and wobbly little guy he is today. Everything feels like a first to this first-time dad, and it’s so cool getting to see him pass each milestone, from little to big! There are so many more amazing things I have yet to experience with him and I’m excited at the aspect of seeing my boy grow and change even more.
What makes me nervous and cautious as a new dad is the impact this world will have on my son. I want him to always feel free to smile and show twinkly eyes, as he does so freely right now. Let no bully tell him not to marvel in the beauty of whatever he sees that brings his toothy grin. I cherish the fun he’s filled with and hope it can continue to be fostered as this tiny guy grows.
I want that silliness we see in all children to remain as long as he wants it to, not to be stamped out by the cynics and pessimists of the world. I want him to be surrounded by supportive, loving, and empathetic people. I want him to know and have boundaries, and to recognize the cause and effect of his actions. I hope he will grow into a person that sees the needs of others and provides kindness, not scorn.
Lofty ideals for a baby, but a dad can dream!
I aim to teach my boy respect as a mutual partnership, not an authoritative tactic meant to create hierarchy or domination. I want him to know the amazing things women do in this world, and to cherish and honor those that have made his life possible. I want him to know his own self-worth and to recognize his value as well as the equal value of others. I hope he can look to his older sisters for inspiration and recognition of the power women have, but are too often forced to hide for fear that some insecure bro feels intimidated by an outspoken woman. I’d love it if my baby could steer clear of all the toxic masculinity being spewed by hoards of online chads and brads.
Speaking of toxic masculinity, that shit has got to go! I’m so sick and tired of man-babies, who were never given the autonomy and authority to pick up their own laundry, wash their own dishes, or vacuum their dirty ass bedrooms once in a while. We have so many children posing as adults these days – and I’m not talking about literal children – I’m talking about the irresponsible adults that ride the support of their parents far past their expiration date. And don’t get me wrong, of course I understand in this dystopian hellscape that capitalism has created, too many impoverished people are forced to cohabitate with their families or parents. That’s not the group with whom I have a gripe!
The creature I’m ranting about is the lazy, entitled man-child who expects their mothers or girlfriends to cater to them at their every beck-and-call. These are the video game-playing, locker-room-smelling, rightwing catering trolls, who get off on being misogynists and spewing vitriol at those they deem “weaker than them,” which too often includes the marginalized and oppressed masses. These bro-sephs worship at the altar of Trump, throw disdain at those that proclaim their pronouns or anyone that exists outside the gender binary, too often carry white supremacist (or straight up neo-nazi) talking points, and gulp down the anti-woke lies like their last two liter of mountain dew. These patriarchist pimps drool at the Andrew Tates of the world and believe in the inherent superiority of men, to the point that some will buy and sell women for sexual favors. This is the crowd to which my son will hopefully give a wide berth.
Instead, I want my kid to experience the full range of humanity: the love, the generosity, the beauty, the marvel, the sheer righteousness of being good. I want him to see the life that surrounds him, and strive to protect it! In this day and age of climate change, where every person on planet Earth needs to be fighting back against corporate greed and governmental corruption, I want my son to know his steps matter a great deal. Unlike those that seek to deregulate business at the cost of our environment (for the sole purpose of being “successful”), I’d rather my son learn to coexist with nature. If he can view himself not as superior but an equal to the insects, animals, and plants that surround him, he’ll understand a healthier form of masculinity.
For being a man doesn’t mean we have to dominate, oppress, or kill everything that stands in our way. Being a man doesn’t require greed or stinginess, it doesn’t require hurting others. Sadly, that is too often the fate for boys and young men. Their sensitivity, their gentleness, their caring personalities get stomped on by bullies, those repeating the unhealthy (nay, abusive) attitudes being fostered at home, in school, or their communities. We’ve given too big a platform to the bullies and narcissists of this world, sometimes called “influencers,” and their sway over the youth has been nothing but disturbing, to say the least.
At the end of the day, my son will grow into the person he wants to be. I hope the family that cares for him can guide him in a positive direction, to buck the dying notions of historic masculinity, and to create a version of himself that helps heal a sick and toxic world. The more he is able to see thoughtfulness and selflessness, the more he will understand the benefits of compassion and integrity. I don’t want my son to worship anyone, but I want him to worship ideals of goodness. It all begins one step at a time.